More preparation

In more preparation for this project, I have read many things about Heavenly Mother. All these thoughts intertwine with my feelings and I think about what it may mean to be a Goddess myself one day, for that is what my religion teaches, that we can one day become like God. Who is both Male and Female.

My only problem with everything I read is this: Will I just be the invisible part of God? Why is the representative of God, always, almost always male?

It seems to me sometimes it is just representative of our genitalia. That man's are on the outside, so Men must be more capable of being outward. Women's are inward, more mysterious, so of course women must in ward, private. It almost always is that it seems.

It doesn't have to be.

Thinking about the Church. Yeah the Church has every right to say "Don't discuss Heavenly Mother, don't pray to her, don't talk of her" and make up excuses why we should not. The Church can do everything it is doing.

Except they can't stop it forever. They can't control peoples actions at work, and at home, and in their personal spiritual lives.

You know I am angry, but I realized in this anger is the potential to change something. I am saddened, and in this sadness is the potential to acknowledge the sadness across the world. In this emotion there is power. In these things mortal men view as weak, there is great strength. Maybe that is just the first lesson in this long journey I am learning.

I listened to a podcast today to, in preparation for this project. And it stated go and talk and speak up. Well right now, would not be the best time for me to explain anything to my Bishop. I have done so, and it went over well sometimes, and other times, not so much. So my willingness to speak up and out, is very much low.

And maybe that is why I feel strongly God is calling me to this project. In this way I do not have to speak so much. I can take time to listen. And also for this blog. The internet is my oasis in the middle of my wilderness. I hope to be come strong like unto men, wait no. I think Nephi was just sharing with us his opinion of what he saw through male eyes. I feel most definitely His wife, and her sisters in the wilderness, most definitely came into their own strength, and realized they are strong like men. So this is my wilderness, where I hope to become stronger. And maybe at the end of the journey, while I am alive I hope, I will see it happen, that she is welcomed as much as he. That she is speaking to us as much as him.