The balloons and moccasins project is indefinitely on hold until such time I feel I can do it, without a bunch of tears. I want the messages to be thoughtful, and clear. They can't be when I am still trying to figure out how to love myself, love womanhood as men see it, and for its secrets that only women really know, and to try to love men, with love unfeigned. I never truly thought I was loving anybody with feigned love.
Then I was reading that we can't fully love others until we love ourselves. I am trying to love myself, truly, okay maybe sometimes I fail completely in the endeavor but at least I am trying.
Then I think "God I can't even love myself, do I truly love my husband? Am I truly a good wife?"
There is a lot on my mind. This post could be a million sentences long, if I let it. So I will just end with this:
I hope that we can forgive each other, but more then that, actually work something out. I do not know what. But I want to try new things. Once our car is fixed. Yeah. The car.
You know what, this weekend was just not a good weekend all together. I am hoping I get the job I am interviewing for. I am hoping, I am hoping, I am hoping. I am going to practice interview questions in the mirror so I can focus on my facial expressions. What I think is normal, somebody else might take as hesitating, and unsure. Great.
Sometimes I have to do what the romans do. And I highly dislike it.
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