Church

Church. I did not go today. Not because of a headache, but because my stomach and intestines are doing what they normally do all the time, bug the heck out of me.

Lets just call it stress does a wonderful thing to your digestive track. And I've been stressed all my life.

And its not over. This has stressed me. Church. I really sometimes think I need a break. I need to be free a little bit from the supposed judgement I may get, if I say something that is more feminist then people will like. I also need room to understand I can be who I want to be. Church feels suffocating. Its monotonous too, the same lessons week after week after week. And please I know the whole "But you can learn something new every week, I do" statement. There are only so many times I can glean something new from the lessons. Sometimes the layers of meanings do have an end. There really is only so much layers of meaning one can fit into a certain set of scripture verses.

I look at my Patriarchal blessing and wish I had a matriarchal blessing to go with it. Sometimes Mother's are aware of things Fathers are not. It would just help. Why can't we? Oh because women don't have the priesthood. Oh that again. That again, and again and again. Limit the spiritual power of women because they don't hold the priesthood. Again and again and again. And this is why I kind of don't mind missing church. Or is it "Well mother is speaking through father, telling father what he doesn't know, its there, don't worry"...Right 0.o...because that makes me feel better. *sigh* *not really*

And yes I do have a legitimate reason, both of these are. How can I bring a good spirit about me when I am grumbling about patriarchy, and how can can I bring a good spirit about me, when my stomach may send me to the bathroom any minute during the lesson? Really have you been in church not feeling good? I have, its not fun or pleasant, and all I want to do is sleep. I am not focused on the lesson or anything like that.

So Church today, is out of the question. Sometimes I wish church was more like a black methodist choir, Alleujahs and Amens. Honestly. Sometimes...